Ithas not always been this way I lived a lie and tried to escape mylife when it suddenly hit me. It all started when I was in thirdgrade. A young innocent and naive girl. I then saw it as the bestthing that I had to experience, having a boyfriend. The most handsomeguy that I have seen since then. James opened a new leaf in my lifehe was the most amazing being I had ever had in my life. We had longnight chats every evening we would talk till we both fell asleep. Healways complimented me on how amazing I was. I still remember thefirst text he sends me as though it were yesterday, "Think ofall the beauty that is still left in and outside you and be happy."At first, I did not know what that meant, but now I do.
Wewere always happy and missed one another every passing second of theclock. He was my angel on earth. I was in fourth grade when theunexpected happened. James would not return my calls either would hecall me ‘sunshine` like he always had. It was in the evening when Iwas having my dinner that I heard my phone vibrate, I ignored it atfirst, but I decided to take a look at last. There was James. Myheart skipped for a moment. What I saw made my eyes wet with tears.James had broken up with me in a text that read, ‘Joni, pleasedon`t cry you will forget me by and by, you are just fifteen, and Iam twenty-two, and Joni I cannot wait for you…I quit.’ Myteardrops fell like rain that day. I retired to bed that day earlierthan usual. I did not understand why he had decided to end ourrelationship.
Whywould he ever cheat on me? My man was not the type that flatters withevery girl they meet, but maybe I was wrong. James was seeing anotherlady that was five years older than I was. The age difference betweenJames and I was seven years, and I did not think that it would everbe a problem in our relationship since we had never had any problemswith it but maybe I was wrong. I tried to beg James to wait for meand promised him that someday I`d grow up but it was in vain.
I isolated myself from my friend and became the loneliest girl that Ihad never imagined I would be. I promised myself that I would neverget involved with anyone else again after what James did to me. Somethree years down the line Chris came, I did not want to get involvedbut how could I resist such a gentleman? Chris did everything forme getting me gifts on my birthday, buying the most expensive phonefor me, anything I needed was just a call away. He referred me to hisqueen.
Iwas living the happiest days of my life hardly did I know that I hadfallen in love and forgotten about James.Little did I know that Ihad just met another sheep in a silver clothing. Chris was nodifferent. He started ignoring my calls and never said a word. I wasnow back where I had begun. My happiness was gone, and I became sopale that my health deteriorated. I later found out that Chrisallegedly had a wife and a kid. Why he had to keep it from me, I havenever known. That is when I realized that love was so expensive,delicate, incriminate and unfair.
Sincethen I decided to embrace my pain instead of running away. Those twoheartbreaking experiences changed my entire life. Since then Idecided never to trust men. I have been living a life free fromdistractions inform of relationships. Someone can judge the life Ilive now, but not until you experience what I have been through thatyou will be able to understand.
Chrisis happily married to his wife whom they had had a baby girl beforewe met, and James just wed his girlfriend last summer. It is painfulto have gone through all these, but I know it was for the best ofeach of us. I am happy being the lady that I am today. Through theheartbreaks, I learned what love is and what it is not. Am gladloving me and doing anything that brings the best in me. I have plansfor my future, am working hard to be an independent woman that canstand up for herself and not rely on any man. I have learned thateverything happens for a reason. I now have quality time to spendwith my family and concentrate on my school work. I take today overyesterday though memories may find me they will always be behind me.
Kohler-Riessman,C. (2000). Analysis of personal narratives. Qualitativeresearch in social work,168-191.
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